My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dick very happy bro
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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