Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He shit in the fireplace
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
