So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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