I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
