is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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