Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you made out with another girl for some wings
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize