I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
