I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
