Sry I called you an 8
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
