Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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