Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
