dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
