I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
