I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
