Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
