You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
