Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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