..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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