Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize