Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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