remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
