Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
