I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
