So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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