Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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