Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
