I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize