biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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