sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
