I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
