found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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