I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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