Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
