hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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