this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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