i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
