if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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