3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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