A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
