i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
