he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
