It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
