I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
