Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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