Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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