Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
