I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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