my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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