I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
