I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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