You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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