i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize