did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
