I just pynch a tree in the face
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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