I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
