I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize