I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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