Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Houston, we have a blender
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
