After last night, I could never be a politician.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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