**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
