Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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