I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
