I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
