I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize