Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
