This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
