I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
