Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
