his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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