Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
accomplished twins. life is a go
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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