Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
