Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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