There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
