Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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