She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
