Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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