Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
