he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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