Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
