i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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