Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
