the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We named our party play list daddy issues
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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