Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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