There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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