I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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