Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
