We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
