working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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