By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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