You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
