I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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