Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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