You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
