she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
