every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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